The death of a child is traumatic. A miscarriage is also the death of a child. Relationships have a hard time surviving when something like this happens, but it can be done — together. Learn to cope with your feelings and turn to each other.
Even if you think you don’t need it at the time, support will get you back on the road to recovery. In the first place, you won’t feel like you are alone. Support can come in many forms and all are to be embraced if you are to survive and try to get pregnant again. Here are some suggestions:
1. Allow yourself to grieve. It doesn’t matter if your parents or your friends think that you have grieved long enough. Grief is a process and only you will know when it is complete. Take all of the time you need.
2. Talk to your partner. It’s okay to be in the company of friends, but your male partner is also grieving. Don’t alienate him. Discuss any feelings with him before discussing them with others.
3. Name your lost child. Instead of calling it “the baby,” use the name that you planned to give him or her when it was born. This technique helps you to find closure.
4. Find ways to commemorate your child. You could hold a ceremony, have a special stone made, plant a tree or make a donation to a worthy charity in your lost child’s honour. It is a positive move to bring good out of this situation.
5. Go to counselling. A counsellor can answer all of your questions about how to proceed with your life. You may be afraid to get pregnant again. Counselling allows you to work through these feelings and think about a future family.
6. Write in a journal. You might not be ready to tell others what you feel. Use your journal as a way to get out the anger, fear, denial and depressive feelings.
7. Start a blog. There are others who have gone through what you are dealing with right now. Journaling online about your feelings can give rise to other helpful outlets like sharing stories, prayer groups and online resources for those who have suffered miscarriages.
8. Accept hospitality from others. At first, the last thing you probably want to do is go about your normal routine. Let your friends, church group and family bring you meals, offer to clean your home, sit with you and talk or just check in on you from time to time. You don’t have to isolate yourself from those who love you.
Coping with loss is never easy. There are many ways to deal with it that are constructive and will also be of help to others.